meltdowns

lexi just had an hour meltdown and nothing i did worked. she kick, pulled my hair, banged her head with mine, threw stuff at me and screeched the whole time. only thing i can figure out that set her off is she wanted to take her clothes off and her pull up. i allowed her to take her clothes off but not her pull up and she went into a horrible meltdown. and of course when i couldnt get her to calm down i started to cry myself. the only reason she stopped was because of dora the explorer came on, if it wasnt for dora i think we would still be in meltdown mode. i really want to know what goes on in her head and i want people to understand why she does it. everyone thinks i should spank her and ignore her but spanking just pisses her off a hell of a lot more and ignoring her just lets her tear up my stuff or my moms stuff. i wish her dr appointment was sooner and not next month because i think the dr needs to get her a behavior consult or something. her hurting me is bad and i feel like a terrible mom because i don't know how to get her to stop.